Screw Up
by CrystalWillow
Summary: I don't want to be a screw up anymore. Warning, deals with suicide. ReaxBB friendship. ONESHOT!forgot to add that


This is supposed to take place shortly after the whole "Things Change" bit. I don't own them.

* * *

Raven woke up suddenly. She looked around her, still a little uncertain of her surroundings. Being away from home for so long had effected her. She still wasn't used to sleeping in her own bed yet.

She looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:30 in the morning. "I should not be up." she groaned to herself. She then decided that since she was up anyway, a nice hot cup of tea sounded nice. She got out of bed, donned her cloak and boots and made her way to the kitchen.

She walked into the main room and was surprised to see that it wasn't empty. Beast Boy was sitting cross-legged right up against the massive window, looking out over the city. "Probably fell asleep there." she half whispered to herself, then went to head into the kitchen to make her tea.

She put some water on to boil and retrieved some tea, a mug and just enough sweetener to take away the bitter taste. She leaned against the counter, waiting for her water, and wished it would hurry up. She found her eyes wandering around the almost deserted main room. It took her a few seconds to realize that her eyes kept wandering to Beast Boy. It took a few more to realize that his eyes were open.

"Beast Boy?" she asked.

"Yes, Raven?" he responded.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Thinking." he answered. It was his tone that kept her from saying the all too obvious "you think?". He sounded sad.

"Need to talk?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm here." she said as her kettle started to whine. She poured water into her waiting mug and was about to replace the kettle when she looked up, "Care for a cup?" she offered.

"What kind?" She was surprised he knew she had a variety.

"Green with jasmine."

"Sure."

She got another mug and more tea out and poured him a mug too. "Sugar?"

"No." he said. This surprised her even more. Surely Beast Boy liked tooth-decaying amounts of sugar in all his drinks. Even _she _liked a little sugar in her tea.

When the tea was done brewing, she removed the tea bags and took both mugs over to the window. She handed Beast Boy his mug, "What's on your mind?" she probed.

"Nothing." he said, his tone still very sad, almost depressed.

"I can tell you're lying." she said as she blew on her tea.

"Reading my mind?" he asked, tearing his eyes from the city for the first time.

"I can't read minds." she said, "Just emotions."

"Great!" he said, his tone now bitter, "I'm just screwing everything up!"

"Beast Boy?" she asked, uncertain where this was coming from.

"I screwed up with the Doom Patrol and get them killed!" he burst out, throwing his tea into the window, shattering the mug and sending sprays of tea everywhere, "Or so I thought, but I just screwed that up to, 'cause guess what! They're not dead! Then I come here and screw everything up! Then I get a second chance with the Doom Patrol and mess that up and that major screw up almost cost the lives of every Titan in the world! Then we come back and did I learn anything? Hell, no! I just continue messing up! I get a chance to get Terra back and I mess that up! And this isn't even the half of it!"

Raven was at a loss for what to say. Never had Beast Boy been so mad at himself, not even after the whole "Beast" thing. Was he seriously blaming himself for the Brotherhood of Evil? It wasn't his fault. Not in the least, but before she could say any of this out loud, Beast Boy gave a great sob.

"It's my fault you fell for Malchoir so bad." he chocked out, "If I hadn't called you creepy, it never would've happened."

"Yes, it would have." she said.

"No! Not as bad at least. I heard him, he said that you weren't creepy, just different! That's what made you fall for him- I made you feel bad!"

"Beast Boy- !" she tried, but he just continued, tears now streaming down his face.

"I gave Cy a virus! I brought Silkie home! The Beast! Terra! Why do I screw everything up!"

"Beast Boy." Raven said, her tone now of trying to make him understand more than trying to make herself understand, "We're a team of teen-aged superheroes. We're going to have time's like that."

"Name one time you screwed up as bad as I have." he said, his voice challenging, as though daring her.

"I turned to world into stone and lava." she said, her tone even.

"That was your father, not you." he said, his tone eerily sounding like her normal tone, "It's not your fault."

"I'm the one who set Malchoir free." she said.

"Only because I made you feel unwanted and he made you feel wanted." he said

"Beast Boy, we all have screw ups." she said, "We work through them as a team, as friends." She tried her best to look in his eyes, but they were now gazing over the Bay again.

"I'm the reason my parents died." he said, his voice lower than a whisper, "And the chief and everyone else in the village. They all died, trying to protect me."

Raven was speechless. She had figured his parents had died, but she had never known how.

Beast Boy noticed her silence and looked over at her, a grim smile on his face. He gave a dark laugh, "See." he said, his voice filled with bitterness and self hate again, "I told you I was a major screw up. I basically killed my parents and a whole African tribe. And that was before I was a teen-aged super hero." he gave another dark laugh, "If I ever was a hero at all."

She laid her hand on his shoulder and this time managed to look in his eyes, "Beast Boy, it wasn't your fault." she said trying to convey as much honesty as she could, "It wasn't your fault."

"No matter how many times you say that, Raven, it won't come true." he said, breaking from her gaze and looking back over the bay, "I wish it did, though. God, I wish it did."

"Maybe you should just focus on what they wanted for you when they died?" she suggested, "They wanted you to be happy. Not mope, blaming yourself for their deaths."

"See." he said, "I used to think that way too. I used to try to always be happy, no matter what, and try to make the ones around me happy. But that didn't work out too well, now did it? I'm still a screw up and I look like a goof-ball to boot. A goof-ball no one takes seriously."

"Beast Boy." she said, an apology in her voice. She had always taken his antics to be childish and immature. Never did she ever imagine this was the cause.

"Well, I've bothered you enough for one night." he said, standing up.

"I can still talk if you want to." she said.

"No." he said, "I'm good." She could tell that he most certainly was not, but figured she'd let it drop for right now. She could try again later.

"Good night." she said.

He got to the door and stopped. He turned to face her, "Good bye." he said. She thought his wording odd, but he was in a down mood. She'd allow him his oddities. Azar knew she had enough of them, even when she was feeling good.

* * *

She woke up a little later than she normally did when she woke up for the day. Her odd conversation with Beast Boy still churning in her brain. She went about her normal morning grooming routine and headed down to the main room for a cup of tea before a hard core meditating session.

She was half expecting Beast Boy to be in the common room, playing a video game with Cyborg or else fighting with him over the amount of meat in the meal, their talk last night long forgotten after a good sleep. However, when she arrived in the main room, he was no where to be seen.

"Good morning, Raven." Starfire said, "Did you enjoy your period of sleeping in?" Starfire was quiet proud of mastering the new phrase Robin had taught her that morning and jumped up and down excitedly when he nodded that she had gotten it right.

"I had a late night last night." she said, walking over to the kitchen.

"What, did you and BB have a late night party with out telling any of us?" Cyborg asked, "He's not up yet either."

"Actually, we had a talk last night." she said, "He's feeling pretty down right now."

"What's wrong?" Robin asked.

"He's just going through a slump." Raven said, "Blaming himself for a lot of things that aren't really his fault."

"He better be blaming losing the waffle iron on himself!" Cyborg said, "That's the eighth one we've lost."

"I have the iron of waffles." Starfire said, "I have been using it on my hair. It makes interesting creases that I enjoy looking at."

"We need a new waffle iron." Cyborg said.

"What kind of stuff?" Robin asked.

"All sorts." Raven said, looking over her now finished tea, "Just about everything, really."

"What brought this on?" Robin asked.

"No clue." Raven said, rubbing her eyes. It had been almost 6:30 when she finally got back to bed last night, and it was only 8:00 now. She seriously considered taking a nap after her meditation, before combat practice.

She drank her tea and left for her room to meditate. She did take a nap afterwards and woke up feeling much better. She went back out into the main room. When she walked in, every eye was on her. "Hi?" she said.

"Have you seen Beast Boy?" Starfire asked, "I believe he might still be sleeping in."

"It's almost noon." Raven said, looking at the clock, "He should've been up by now."

"Well, we'll let him sleep until combat practice in a hour, but if he's not up by then, we'll wake him up."

"How late were you guys up last night?" Cyborg asked Raven.

"Kinda late." Raven said. She didn't know if he had been asleep at all before either.

"Well, he's got an hour." Robin said.

* * *

The hour had passed and Beast Boy still had yet to be seen. It was now time for combat practice and Robin was insisting that he show for it. Raven volunteered to go get him.

She knocked on his door, "Beast Boy?" she called.

No answer.

She knocked harder. "Beast Boy! It's time for combat practice. Robin says you need to wake up."

Still no answer. She was getting a little annoyed now.

She practically banged the door down. "Beast Boy! Wake up!" she yelled.

Silence.

"Beast Boy! If you don't answer the door, I'll use my powers and come in anyway!"

No sound.

She gave an annoyed groan and tried to button to open the door. It was locked. "Figures." she mumbled to herself. She collected herself and used her powers to phase through the door.

She had only seen Beast Boy's room on a few occasions, but never had she seen it like this. He had actually cleaned. The room was spotless. Except for one spot, the bed.

Raven moaned at the thought only he could sleep through her yelling and banging on the door as she walked over to the bed to wake him up. As she got closer, however, she noticed a complete lack of emotions coming from him. Thinking this odd, she continued to walk closer until she got a look at him.

He was lying on his side, curled up in a ball facing the other way. But when she had gotten closer, she had a full view. He wasn't breathing, an empty pill bottle and glass next to him.

Raven fell to her knees and started to scream. She was so shocked by what was in front of her that she did not notice when the other's bust in. Or when Robin carefully lifted Beast Boy's blanket over his head. Or Starfire falling right out of the air, landing next to her, tears rolling down her face. Or Cyborg just standing there, staring at the covered body on the bed. Or when someone led her out of the room. She was completely out of it until green hands placed a cup of tea in her hands. She looked up hopefully at the owner of the green hands, just to find them the gloved hands of Robin.

A single tear worked its way down her face. .

Cyborg had a small piece of paper in his hands. "What's that?" Robin asked.

"It's a note he left." Cyborg's voice sounded a little hollow. Robin took it and Raven looked over his arm at the note.

I don't want to be a screw up anymore.

* * *

They held the service in Africa. It was beautiful. A witchdoctor from a village near the one Beast Boy lived with as a kid presided. All the Titans showed, full-time and honary. The Doom Patrol showed too. Even some of the Justice League showed up. Raven was too emotional to really know what was happening though. He was gone. Really gone.

She had been talking to him a mere minutes before it happened. If only she had stopped him. He might still be… might still…

Cyborg placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up, "Coming, Rea?" he asked, tears streaming down his face. She looked around and saw that the ceremony was over and most of the others had left, only her, Cyborg and Starfire were left. Starfire was crying openly. Even Robin had tear streaks down his face.

Raven walked up to the grave. She felt the need to say something. Anything. But nothing came out. She stood there for what seemed an eternity. She finally choked out an "I'm sorry." and fell to her knees at the side of the grave. Tears finally flowed.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

* * *

So, kinda sad. Sorry, but I felt the need to do this. I dunno. Um, a couple things to clear confusion. In the comics, like the real comic, not the ones based off the cartoon (though I suppose those are "real comics" too, but I digress) Beast Boy left the Doom Patrol when the rest died. I'm not sure how they died, or why he lived, but that's what happened. They later came back, not remembering at first, but eventually remembering when a Phantom Zone exploded, or something. Uh, with the whole chief and village thing, after Beast Boy's parents died, he lived with the chief of the village that they had lived with and had a good friendship with, but a group of thieves stole Beast Boy, wanting to use him for their work, and killed the chief and, I think, the village. I'm not certain on that, and it might just be one of the hair-brained ideas wandering around out there, but I read it on a Beast Boy fan site.

Oh, and green tea with jasmine is awesome! I highly recommend it.

I think that's everything. Lemme know what you think!


End file.
